Telephony Services Chapter Three

I spent many happy hours using my newly installed ADSL, life was full of joy again, I could work, spend time talking to our kids, video conferencing, you name it I did it; I was making up for lost time. This euphoric state lasted almost a year, we did have the odd hiccup when Telefonica decided that we had not paid our telephone bill and severed the line, but in fairness to them they could not have known, that due to the inept working practise that they seem to promote, they had not actually sent us a bill. However the failing as usual had to be with us for not nurturing our telepathic powers, which would have enabled us to see that a bill was in fact due to be paid and also knowing the exact amount. In the greater scheme of things this was merely a small glitch in the matrix, and we knew that they were saving themselves for greater things.

As Christmas 2004 approached we had notice that the house we had rented for the last year was up for sale and we would need to leave sometime in January 2005. As it stood we were ready for a move and started to think about moving inland and into the country. We had done our stint of the British type Urbs and fancied something a bit different. We started looking at various locations and our dear Spanish friend Enrique found us a lovely 4 bed detached property in a little Spanish Village close to Murcia. We looked and thought WOW and the rent was just about right.

Being now very cautious we thought Telephone, we noted that there was a line into the house but the landlady had it disconnected some two months previously, however as it was there, and it was not a radio phone we thought that this might prove to be a hassle free situation. At this point I must point out that with hindsight I have now made a note to myself. ‘Do not think, do not expect, and be prepared for anything’

We telephoned Telefonica and told them the number of the phone and asked if they could reconnect it. Yes they said no problem it would take ten days. We then asked would ADSL be available on this line, again they said Yes no problem. I know what you are thinking now! No we did not take this on face value we checked. Firstly we checked with the neighbours for their numbers and ran them through Telefonica site where you key in your number to see if ADSL is available for that number, we also ran ours through the system; they all came up with a positive Yes. Armed with this information we placed the order for the phone to be reconnected and ordered the ADSL. Ten days for the phone but the ADSL would take 20 days, we could live with this so we paid our deposit for the house and my partner and I moved in just before Christmas to make sure the house was ready for the final move on January 2^nd when my mother would join us.

We got ourselves settled well more or less, we also found that we had moved to the black hole of silence as none of our mobile phones on any network, in any way functioned in the house. We spent the first two weeks driving up the nearest mountain until we got a signal, so that we could stay in touch with the outside world. With regard to the phone, well the ten days came and went and no sign so again we rang them. They did the usual checks on name and passport number and said that they would be with us shortly but could not say when. With the patience of jobe we continued our waiting game. Another ten days passed and nothing so we rang again. They told us this time that there was some problem with the ADSL order and their technical dept would be in touch to explain.

Ok we thought we can live with that but what about the phone? Well it appeared that there was a problem with that too but their technical dept would contact us and explain.

Their was a familiar pattern to this and it was becoming quite disconcerting so we asked trusty Enrique to give them a call on our behalf to try and find out what the problem was.

Now Enrique is normally one of the nicest chaps you would ever care to meet, he is always cheerful, and never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything and seems to take everything that life throws at him, in his stride………normally !!!

Enrique was furious he shouted and screamed down the telephone and although my Spanish is not brilliant, even a non speaker got the gist of what he was saying. The conversation was not a lengthy one and when he put the phone down the swearing continued. He told us that there was no capacity in the exchange to provide a telephone line for us and that they were updating the exchange but it would be about a year before this work was completed. We were devastated.

We continued to ring Telefonica as we felt that some amount of persistence would have to pay off in the end. This became a ritual, every Monday morning we would ring and they would tell us the same thing, they were working on it but could not give us any more information. One Monday morning whilst enjoying a coffee in one of the bars in the next village we thought lets ring Telefonica whilst we have a signal. We went through the usual questions and the lady at Telefonica asked for my passport number and then went to get the information for us. When she came back she said “I am sorry Mrs ……, we have no record of your order on this passport number” now this was a little confusing as she had addressed me by my correct name and as I had never had any telephony services ordered in my name prior to this order I had to ask her “If you have no record of my order on this passport number, how come you know my name?” Guess what? She hung up!!!

This did not annoy me at all this incensed me, I rang back and explained what had just occurred and they asked me who I had spoken to, now how the hell did I know? I have to add here, that you should, in any communication with Telefonica, make sure that is one of the first things you ask…..their name. Amazingly they managed to find my order and gave me the information I had requested, however I was not going to leave it at that, and I requested that I speak to a supervisor as I wished to make a complaint. No there was not a supervisor to speak to, so I asked for the telephone number of their head office, no there was not a telephone number for their head office??? Ok I had to question that one, they are the main telecommunications company in Spain who provide telephones and telephony services to millions of people, and their head office does not have a telephone number???????? This does not fill you with confidence if they cannot get a phone number what chance do I??? They did however give me a fax number…..unbelievable!!!

Strangely two days later a rather nice young man turned up at our house, and he introduced himself and the senior technical engineer for Telefonica and his ID supported this. He had come to talk to us, armed with maps of the area, and to explain why we had not got our phone line and our ADSL. All very interesting and it seemed that they were actually working on the exchange to increase the number of lines and he hoped that this work would be completed before Christmas, we were now in March. As for the ADSL he told us that it would cost a considerable amount to make the exchange ready for ADSL and unless more people requested the service he could not see this happening for some time. We were not happy but any chance of a line had to be taken.

April arrived and so did Telefonica, they looked at the present connection scratched their heads and toddled off again. They arrived back the next day had another look and got some telephone cable out of their van and deposited it on my porch, scratched their heads again and vanished in their van. Two weeks later they arrived again asked to look at the connection in the house, which we showed them, one of them started taking the box apart whilst the other one went out into the garden to view the outside connection. At this point I had visions of them vanishing again, and lost the plot. I locked the front door and told the guy outside either they finished the installation today or his mate was not leaving. They looked at me as though I was mad, as did the rest of my family. Not a lot was said by either of the guys but they did work feverishly with the installation, tested it, rapidly wrote the telephone number down for us, and then just looked at us. I tested the phone, it worked, I got someone to ring me back, and it worked. I then poured the two guys a Ponche and gave them €10 each and unlocked the door.

The two Telefonica guys both broke into broad smiles, slugged down their drinks kissed me and left.

Now that is how you get a phone line here in Spain

My next subject will be about getting your children into school and how the Spanish love their paperwork.